CONFLICT MATTERS / FIELD GUIDE 03
Understand each other
Listen for meaning before proposing a fix.
When to use it: Use when people are talking past each other or defending different accounts.
1. Invite an account
Ask what happened from the person’s perspective. Let them choose what they want to share.
2. Check meaning
Put your understanding in your own words. Reflect emotion tentatively and invite correction. Ask for a specific example when you need clarity.
3. Keep differences visible
Record where accounts overlap and where they differ. An accurate summary does not require a shared interpretation or immediate agreement.
4. Name the question ahead
Ask what needs further exploration. Decide together whether you are ready to move toward options.
“Here is what I think I heard. What have I missed or misunderstood?”
Leave with: A checked summary and a question both people recognize as worth exploring.
Practice: Take turns speaking for two minutes. The listener summarizes and checks, without advising. Debrief what made attention feel real; eye contact is not required.
Work through a situation
Two coworkers prefer different update routines. Explore the concerns behind each preference before choosing a routine.
What you will be able to do
Offer a summary the speaker recognizes and preserve a difference that remains.
Questions for reflection
What did the speaker correct? What is understood but still not agreed?
Try it between sessions
Use a checked summary once, and record what the correction taught you.
My next step
New sequence and exercise informed by Jack’s facilitation materials. His Quick Tips handout credits the Center for Public Deliberation (2011) and the International Association for Public Participation for listening practices. Center for Public Deliberation. Working curriculum · Emergent Matters. Sources & acknowledgments.
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